As Jess and Beth began their fertility journey, they knew it might take time, but they never expected just how long and winding their road to parenthood would be. What follows is a powerful story of resilience, love, and the unlikely path that led them to their baby boy.
In this article:
- Meet Jess & Beth
- Taking the First Step
- Starting IUI Treatment
- IUI vs. IVF: Success Rates & Treatment Costs
- Navigating IVF Disappointment
- Finding Hope Through Donor Embryo IVF
- Donor Embryo 101
- Welcoming Their Long-Awaited Miracle
- A New Chapter
- Coping with Uncertainty & Holding On to Hope
- On Keeping An Open Mind
- Embracing Motherhood
Originally from Texas, Jess met Beth while in graduate school in Southern California, where the two connected and soon fell in love. By 2019, the couple were married — making the decision to move across the country to New York shortly after.
A few years later, in 2021, they felt ready to grow their family. They researched their options and began their journey to parenthood with help from Illume Fertility and Dr. Cynthia Murdock.
"As a same-sex couple, fertility treatment was always our Plan A," Jess explains. "We knew we would need some support to have a baby, so we started working with Dr. Murdock when we were ready to begin trying to conceive."
Early on, Jess and Beth had to make several big decisions, like selecting a sperm donor, choosing which of them would carry the pregnancy, and mapping out a treatment plan that balanced medical guidance with financial and emotional realities.
With Dr. Murdock's guidance, the couple chose to begin with intrauterine insemination (IUI), a common first step for same-sex female couples. IUI is less invasive and more affordable than in vitro fertilization (IVF), typically involving ovulation tracking or stimulation (with fertility medications) followed by a timed insemination using donor sperm.
For many families, IUI offers a hopeful, lower-barrier entry into fertility treatment.
Note: Some insurance policies require that patients undergo a certain number of IUI cycles without success prior to proceeding with IVF treatment.
Jess and Beth pursued several IUI cycles using donor sperm, but none resulted in pregnancy. Each failed attempt added to the emotional and financial weight of the process. "After multiple cycles of IUI using donor sperm and no success, we decided to do an egg retrieval with the goal of doing IVF," Jess recalls.
In addition to the emotional toll, the financial strain of fertility treatment can be considerable — particularly for LGBTQ+ couples without a diagnosis of 'traditional' infertility.
A single IUI cycle can cost anywhere from $500 to $4,000 out of pocket, depending on monitoring and medication needs, and that doesn't even include donor sperm, which can cost up to $2,000+ per vial.
Dr. Cynthia Murdock, the couple's reproductive endocrinologist at Illume Fertility, explains the transition: "For patients using donor sperm, IUI can be a good place to start. But after three or more unsuccessful cycles (especially if the patient is over 35) we often recommend IVF, which has a higher chance of success per cycle and allows us to gain more information through embryo testing."
IVF typically offers success rates of 40–60% per cycle for patients under 35 using genetically tested embryos, but also carries a much higher cost (often $15,000 to $25,000 or more per cycle). For Jess and Beth, the decision to move forward with IVF came after weighing the odds and emotional toll of repeated disappointment.
For many LGBTQ+ couples, accessing IVF can be even more financially burdensome, as insurance plans often exclude coverage for those who don’t meet the traditional definition of infertility.
The good news? Family-building advocates continue to push for more inclusive policies and expanded access to fertility care, including our physician team here at Illume!
In vitro fertilization (IVF) for same-sex female couples can involve reciprocal IVF (where one partner provides the eggs and the other carries the pregnancy) or traditional IVF with donor sperm, where one partner undergoes ovarian stimulation, egg retrieval, and embryo transfer.
In Jess and Beth’s case, Jess underwent IVF, which included daily hormone injections, frequent monitoring, and an egg retrieval procedure.
"Two embryos resulted from that retrieval," Jess says. "But neither was viable after genetic testing." This unexpected outcome was deeply painful. Jess and Beth had placed their hopes in those embryos, believing that IVF would finally bring them closer to a baby - and the news that neither could result in a healthy pregnancy was crushing.
"We joined an infertility support group after that," Jess recalls. "I also saw a therapist throughout the time we were trying to conceive." Having these resources to turn to provided an added layer of validation and camaraderie for the couple as they tried to process the difficult news and decide their next steps.
Photos: Nico as a newborn; around 6 months old; Beth holding Nico in the hospital after birth.
After grieving the loss of their embryos and the hope they represented, Jess and Beth began exploring another option: embryo donation. "Eventually, we decided to join the waitlist for Illume's in-house donor embryo program," Jess shares.
The couple opened their hearts and minds to a different vision for the future and soon found a match. After lots of waiting and thoughtful consideration, they selected an embryo and Jess underwent her first donor embryo transfer.
A couple of weeks later, Jess and Beth finally received the news they had been waiting nearly three years to hear: they were expecting a baby!
Jess and Beth's son Nico was born in September 2024, almost exactly three years after Jess and Beth began trying to conceive. "Every day, we remark on how perfect and beautiful he is," Jess says. "I still can't believe that he's part of our family."
She often reflects on how the timing of their challenging journey and how each obstacle shaped their outcome: "I think about how lucky we are that we conceived when we did, because it means that this baby became ours."
Donor Embryo 101
Illume's in-house donor embryo program offers individuals and couples the opportunity to grow their family using embryos generously donated by other patients who have completed their own fertility journeys.
A donor embryo is created when both the egg and sperm come from donors and the resulting embryo is donated to another hopeful parent. This path can be a life-changing option for those facing complex fertility challenges, allowing patients to pursue parenthood with the support of an experienced team.
To learn more about Illume Fertility's donor embryo program, please call us at 203-956-2265 or schedule a consultation with one of our donor conception specialists.
Jess vividly remembers their embryo transfer. "To see those microscopic, dividing cells that would eventually grow into a whole person," she says, "was awe-inspiring." In that quiet moment, hope and possibility finally began to feel real.
Looking back on their journey, Jess says she was most struck by her own capacity to endure discomfort, uncertainty, and pain—both physical and emotional.
And while the process wasn't easy for either of them, Jess found comfort and strength in her relationship with Beth:
"I wasn't exactly surprised, but I was incredibly heartened by the support and love I received from my wife. She was with me every step of the way, and even though I experienced some of the inevitable isolation of this experience, I knew she was with me in every way possible."
One of the most difficult aspects of trying to conceive, Jess explains, is the emotional balancing act between grief and optimism: "One of the hardest things, I found, was trying to come to terms with the possibility that pregnancy might not be possible — while also holding onto hope that we would be successful."
To help navigate that in-between space, she recommends focusing energy on other meaningful areas of life. Jess’s tips for staying grounded include:
"Trying to conceive can feel all-consuming, but it can help to remember that part of why we bring children into the world is to show them all of the interesting things that we love and care about," Jess says. "Focusing attention on those things can help with taking breaks from this arduous process and put the whole experience in perspective."
When asked what helped them navigate the hardest parts of their journey, Jess says:
"Try to stay open to as many tools and options as possible. This can be an incredibly difficult experience (emotionally, physically, and financially), and it's important to remember that there are multiple paths to parenthood."
She also encourages others to honor the courage and tenacity it takes to keep going: "I would remind anyone who is struggling in this process that trying to conceive can be incredibly difficult and requires an amazing amount of strength. It is such a brave thing to keep moving through it."
These days, Jess and Beth are busy enjoying life with Nico, filled with love, gratitude, and awe at the unexpected journey that brought them to their son.
"I’m so grateful to Dr. Murdock for seeing us through this process and for inaugurating Illume's donor embryo program," Jess adds. "I'm also deeply grateful to the family that donated the embryo that made it possible to bring our son into the world, and to the nurses at Illume for their care and kindness."
Jess and Beth's story is a beautiful example of how family can be built in many ways, and how strength, love, and openness can carry you through the toughest moments to the joy that lies ahead.