June 15th, 2026 | 8 min. read
No two family-building journeys look exactly the same, and that is especially true for the LGBTQ+ couples we work with at Illume. Some come to us already knowing what their path will look like. Others need time to compare options, talk to friends, and figure out what feels right. In this story, one couple shares how they chose surrogacy as their path to parenthood.
In this article:
How Tim & Steve Met
Tim and Steve first connected in the summer of 2012 through a gay bowling league in New York City. They were assigned to neighboring lanes the first week, and Tim's bowling did not exactly do him any favors.
"Steve was in the lane to the right of me and caught my eye," Tim recalls. "How could you not notice his adorable swoop of ginger hair? Despite my terrible bowling, he agreed to go out on a date with me."
By the end of that first date, they had cataloged an almost comical number of coincidences. Both grew up in Boston suburbs, about 45 minutes apart. Both are left-handed. Both come from Irish-Italian families. Both are the youngest child. Both have exactly 22 letters in their names.
And when Tim asked Steve about his family, the way Steve described his brother and parents told him everything he needed to know about the kind of person he was sitting across from.
Are We Ready to Become Parents?
The conversation about having kids surfaced gradually over the years.
Steve clearly wanted to be a dad. Tim took a little longer to land there. "I heavily pondered whether I possessed the burning desire to be a parent or not," he says. "I knew it was a major decision and not one to be taken lightly. It's not like getting a goldfish!"
He had watched his sisters become mothers and seen both the magic and the exhaustion of parenthood up close. Eventually, the question stopped being whether he wanted kids in the abstract and became whether he wanted to raise kids with Steve specifically. For Tim, that question had a clear answer.
After marrying in 2015, they spent their first year of marriage enjoying the newlywed bubble. On their first anniversary, Tim opened the conversation over dinner. "I said, 'Ok, so where are we at with this?'" he remembers. They both agreed they wanted kids, just not yet.
They gave themselves another year to do some research.
Photos: Dads Tim and Steve with their two children, Lucy and Ben.
Choosing Surrogacy
The couple considered both adoption and gestational surrogacy, eventually deciding that surrogacy was the path that fit their family.
With the decision made, the next year became an education. They reached out to other gay couples who had built their families through surrogacy, asked a lot of questions, and started mapping out all the moving parts.
Surrogacy typically involves an egg donor, gestational carrier, reproductive attorney, reproductive endocrinologist, fertility clinic, and a surrogacy agency.
The financial picture alone took time to understand, and Tim is candid about the fact that the cost of surrogacy was the single biggest unknown for the couple going in. Over sushi on their second anniversary, Tim checked in with Steve again: "Do we feel ready to get started?"
This time, they finally were.
Finding the Right Fertility Doctor
Friends in their circle had recommended Illume Fertility and Dr. Mark Leondires. A few weeks later, Tim and Steve were sitting across the desk from him at Illume's Norwalk, CT office.
"What really struck me at that initial meeting was how incredibly passionate he is about his work," Tim says. The fit mattered. It was important to the dads-to-be that they work with a doctor and a fertility clinic that genuinely embraced the LGBTQ+ community, and that commitment came through immediately.
After navigating his own path to fatherhood through surrogacy, Dr. Leondires founded Gay Parents To Be in 2012 as a dedicated resource hub for LGBTQ+ family building. Our experienced third-party reproduction team works closely with intended parents through every stage of the process.
Welcoming Two Children Through Surrogacy
Like most intended parents, Tim and Steve's journey spanned several distinct phases, each involving its own timeline, paperwork, and emotional weight.
First came the egg donor selection and the IVF cycle to create embryos.
Then came the gestational carrier matching process guided by agency Worldwide Surrogacy, followed by the legal contracts that establish parental rights and outline expectations between the intended parents and their carrier.
After all the paperwork comes the embryo transfer, pregnancy itself, and eventually the birth.
Thankfully for Tim and Steve, everything went smoothly. Just sixteen months after that first consultation with Dr. Leondires, their son Ben was born. The new dads were elated.
A full surrogacy journey (from first consultation to bringing baby home) typically takes anywhere from 15 to 24 months when things go smoothly, and longer when they do not.
What's the best path for you?
Get expert-backed guidance in less than three minutes with our free quiz. See which LGBTQ+ family-building pathways are recommended for you, plus how to get started.
The Journey to Baby #2
Tim and Steve knew they wanted to have another child, and hoped to give Ben a sibling close in age. When Ben turned one, the couple re-engaged Illume Fertility and Worldwide Surrogacy to begin the surrogacy process for a second time.
Because they still had healthy embryos remaining from their first IVF cycle, they were able to skip the donor and stimulation phases the second time around.
They matched with a different gestational carrier, completed a new round of legal contracts, and prepared for a frozen embryo transfer. Luckily, it was successful! Their daughter Lucy was born on St. Patrick's Day, around two years after her big brother.
Paying It Forward
Tim is generous with the spreadsheet he used to meticulously track costs during both surrogacy journeys. He offers to hop on a call with anyone in his orbit who reaches out to ask about surrogacy, because he remembers how opaque the financial picture felt at the beginning.
Agency fees, gestational carrier compensation, legal fees, IVF and embryo transfer costs, escrow administration, insurance review, travel for the birth. Each line item adds up, and most intended parents don't get a clear total until they are well into the process.
He is also quick to point out that their experience with surrogacy was not necessarily typical. "We were very lucky at every step along the way," he says. "We had an amazing team helping us out, both at Illume Fertility and at Worldwide Surrogacy."
Tim's Advice for Intended Parents
When asked what he would tell another couple at the beginning of their surrogacy journey, Tim has one important piece of advice: take the time to really get to know your gestational carrier before you finalize the match.
"The relationship between surrogate and intended parent is tricky, because on the one hand, it is a business transaction involving a long, detailed legal contract, on the other it is an incredibly personal relationship," he says. "This is someone you're going to be talking to regularly for at least a year, who you are trusting to care for the most precious thing in your life. You want to make sure that you are both on the same page about everything."
He offers a concrete example: asking both of their gestational carriers not to color their hair during pregnancy. "Was that neurotic? Maybe. Did it give me peace of mind? Yes," Tim says. "But you want to ask those questions before the bun is in the oven."
Photos: Ben and Lucy over the years.
Embracing Life As a Family of Four
Life with two small kids is its own challenge. Tim recalls the chaotic early days, when he'd have a hungry newborn yowling on one shoulder and a two-year-old clawing for attention on the other, and how those were the times they wished family lived closer.
As Ben and Lucy have grown older, and those difficult moments become fewer and farther between, the dads say they are overjoyed to finally be living the reality they once dreamed of.
When Tim talks about their immense gratitude, he names all the amazing people who helped make their family possible: the egg donor who gave his kids their blue eyes and chin dimples.
The two surrogates who each gave a year of their lives to bring those children into the world.
The team at Illume Fertility, including nurse Nora Bolger, who patiently fielded what Tim cheerfully refers to as endless emails. The experts at Worldwide Surrogacy who helped them navigate the complex surrogacy process.
"It really does take a village," he says.
Surround Yourself With a Good Team
After everything they've learned, Tim offers a simple reminder: "Try not to get too stressed out about the whole process. It can seem quite overwhelming and daunting at first, but as long as you have the right team by your side, they will guide you through it."
And now, looking back on their experience, Tim and Steve say they feel lucky to have found theirs at Illume Fertility.
Surrogacy 101
Explore the basics of the surrogacy process and what to expect as an intended parent.
