February 22nd, 2024 | 11 min. read
According to a study published in Contraceptive and Reproductive Medicine, 15% of white women between ages 25 and 44 seek treatment for infertility, but only 8% of Black women in the same age range seek the help they need to grow their families.
In the following story, Shiraine shares her journey to parenthood and opens up about why infertility is so difficult for many in the Black community to talk about.
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Meet Shiraine & Barry
In 2010, Shiraine and Barry met at work and quickly became friends. "Not long after we met, Barry became my best friend," Shiraine says. They remained friends for 2 1/2 years before she realized that she wanted to be more than friends. "Barry had already made that 'more than friends' decision back in 2010, but remained patient with me," Shiraine said.
In 2017, the happy couple got engaged, and two years later, they were married.
Following Her Intuition
"Having children was always a goal of ours," Shiraine says. "For a long time, I'd had this doubt that I can't exactly explain, that I wasn't going to be able to get pregnant on my own." That doubt ignited her search for answers.
"I did some research online for fertility testing in Connecticut and my research led me to Illume Fertility." Her intuition was confirmed after the couple began working with Dr. Cynthia Murdock in 2021.
Initially, the couple were focused on finding out what their chances of getting pregnant were, especially given Shiraine's age at the time (she was 34). Plans quickly shifted after fertility testing revealed that Shiraine's fallopian tubes were damaged.
"Getting the news I got from my doctors, I felt like a failure," Shiraine remembers. "The one thing my body was made to do, I could not achieve naturally. I secretly felt so depressed, crying to myself often, not wanting to share my hurt with my husband because I was not only disappointing myself, I felt I was disappointing him."
Will IVF work for us?
After they completed their fertility testing work-up, Dr. Murdock recommended Shiraine and Barry begin in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment, and they began their first cycle soon after.
"For me, the hardest part of the process was the anxiety of not knowing if treatment would be successful or not," Shiraine remembers. "Watching all of our friends and acquaintances receive their blessings and become pregnant naturally while not knowing if I'd ever get to experience what they were was hard."
Like many who struggle with infertility, she admits she was happy for her friends, but at the same time, felt envious and struggled to stay hopeful about their own future.
Learn more about IVF
Download our free guide to IVF to learn more about how much it costs, how long it typically takes, and how it all works.
First Time's a Charm
Thankfully, the IVF process itself was a pretty smooth experience for Shiraine, and the couple was thrilled to find out they were successfully pregnant after their first embryo transfer.
The most stressful part, she says, was when she accidentally broke her pre-prepared HCG injection (also referred to as a trigger shot) and wasn't able to take it at the scheduled time in preparation for her egg retrieval.
"I was beyond devastated and thought I ruined my chances at getting pregnant," she admits. "I went into the office the following day a panicked mess, but thankfully, another Illume doctor, Dr. Hurwitz, helped us come up with a plan to get me back on track!"
Infertility Stigma & the Black Community
"As a person of color, especially being Caribbean, we don't speak about infertility," Shiraine says. "No one from either of our families knew we were doing IVF while we were in the process, except for my cousin, who happens to be a medical student - she was the only person I felt would understand because of how taboo it is to discuss things like this openly in most Caribbean households."
After Shiraine and Barry got pregnant, they nervously shared that they had gone through IVF treatment with both of their mothers. "I'll never forget that they both expressed that I shouldn't share this on social media," Shiraine remembers. "But when I did, my mom reached out and praised me for how brave I was to share."
And it wasn't just their parents who responded positively. "Surprisingly, I had quite a few Black women reach out to me and thank me for sharing my story," Shiraine says. "They expressed how my post encouraged them to not be ashamed about their own fertility journey."
Publicly sharing her experience with infertility and IVF treatment was rewarding, Shiraine says. "It brought me joy to know that being open about my experience helped others, even in the smallest way."
They welcomed their baby boy Lejend on December 18, 2022. "I fell in love with our little one from the moment the doctors told me he was real inside my tummy, but [meeting him] opened up another form of love inside of me I didn't know existed," Shiraine wrote a few weeks after her son's birth.
Where can Black families find support?
There are an increasing number of organizations that help make fertility treatment and support more accessible to families of color by providing grants, education and other resources. Some of our favorites are Black Women and Infertility, Fertility for Colored Girls, Broken Brown Egg, The Cade Foundation, Sister Girl Foundation and Sisters in Loss.
There is still much work to be done to address the glaring racial disparities in reproductive healthcare. But when patients like Shiraine and Barry open up and share their experiences, the stigma around infertility in the Black community decreases, one story at a time.
Navigating the Ups & Downs of IVF
Even though their first round of IVF treatment was ultimately successful, Shiraine and Barry had to ride the roller coaster of infertility to achieve their family-building dreams, just like everyone else.
"The IVF journey is certainly not an easy one, and I now resonate with so many brave women out there who choose to go through the daily struggles of countless medications, injections, never-ending appointments and just the overall stress and immense emotions associated with IVF," Shiraine says. "This process certainly tests people in ways that are unimaginable to those who are ignorant to it."
Shiraine held on to her faith throughout the process, and feels incredibly grateful for her Care Team at Illume. "We will forever be grateful to them - through IVF and the support of Dr. Murdock and her team, we achieved our dream and goal of getting pregnant!"
From infertility to twins:
Christa and Aland share their fertility journey, how they ended up with IVF identical twins, and how they managed to stay positive throughout the process.
Reminders for Fellow Fertility Warriors
"To all my IVF sisters who are still going through it or just beginning, you are strong, you are deserving, and no matter what the outcome, remain positive and be proud of yourself for simply going for your goal," Shiraine says.
"The best advice I would give someone who is dealing with infertility is to hold on to the positive people in your life, because that support (no matter where you are in the process) is worth more than you think," she continues. "Counseling is also important, especially for the harder days."
Lastly, she adds, "Try to love yourself and your body, because although our bodies are wired just a little differently, it's still yours, and it deserves to be cherished no matter what."
Shiraine and Barry plan to embark on another IVF journey in a couple of years, in the hopes of giving their little one a baby brother or sister. For now, they are soaking up life as a family of three and feeling grateful to finally be parents.
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