IVF at Work: What 100 Fertility Patients Wish Employers Understood

You're about to leave work for the day when you finally get the call from your nurse: be at the clinic by 7:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. Now you're scrambling to rearrange an important meeting, drafting a vague Slack message, and hoping none of your colleagues ask questions.

For many fertility patients, this stressful juggling act isn't an outlier. It's a recurring challenge.

Despite being a common challenge for millions of patients around the world, published data on fertility treatment and workplace disclosure remains limited. We decided to survey 100 current and former Illume Fertility patients about their experience balancing IVF with their careers to get a better understanding of what it's actually like. 

We asked whether they disclosed treatment to their employers, what the toughest parts were, how IVF affected their energy and focus, and what they think workplaces should do differently. Keep reading to hear what they shared with colleagues, what they kept private, what helped, and what made things harder.

All responses below are shared anonymously with permission.

The Disclosure Decision

When we asked patients whether they told their manager or colleagues they were going through fertility treatment, the responses split into three clear groups:

• 61% said yes, they shared right away
• 30% never told anyone at work
• 9% only disclosed because someone figured it out

That 61% surprised us, revealing that a solid majority of respondents chose openness from the start. One patient explained her reasoning simply: "I let my manager know so it seemed less 'shady' when I needed to come in late after blood work."

Another chose to tell her boss, but not her colleagues, saying, "my manager has been super supportive, but I prefer not to share with others." Still, nearly a third of patients went through months of injections, monitoring appointments, retrievals, transfers, and waiting without a single colleague knowing.

Should you tell your boss about IVF?

There is no universally right answer. For some patients, telling a manager makes treatment feel less stressful. For others, keeping it private is the safest or most comfortable choice.

In most situations, you don't need to share the specifics of fertility treatment with your manager. A general medical scheduling explanation is often enough. You can say that you have a series of medical appointments coming up, that the timing may shift with limited notice, and that you would prefer to keep the details private.

Sharing more may make sense if you need significant flexibility over several weeks, will be unreachable during procedures, trust your manager with personal information, or feel more anxious about needing to come up with cover stories than by disclosing your situation.

Keeping it private may make sense if you don't trust your manager, are concerned about bias, are worried about how disclosure could affect your role or advancement, or can manage the logistics with vague references to medical appointments.

The question is not whether IVF patients should disclose. The question is what level of disclosure protects both your treatment plan and your peace of mind.

What Coworkers Said That Helped (or Hurt)

When we asked what had helped (and what hadn't), their answers offered a clear lesson in workplace empathy. The comments they found comforting had a common thread: patients appreciated encouragement that acknowledged the difficulty of treatment without trying to fix it or pry for more information.

“Never apologize for doing what you need to do for your family” stayed with one patient. Others recalled coworkers who checked in after egg retrievals, offered encouragement, sent positive thoughts, or made them feel supported without asking for details.

The comments that hurt had a different pattern. They minimized pain, judged patients' age, called attention to schedule changes, or made them feel excluded.

“Everything happens for a reason” was named as especially unhelpful. One patient cried in her car after a coworker quipped, “I can’t imagine being pregnant at your age.” Another was told, “Well, your schedule changes so much, you can’t blame us for not including you.”

Even casual exclusion can be hurtful. One patient remembered a coworker planning their child’s birthday party and only inviting staff who already had kids.

The takeaways are simple: practical support and gentle encouragement tend to land well. Commentary on someone’s age, fertility, schedule, family status, or emotional state does not.

The Impact of Sharing at Work

Among those who disclosed their fertility journey to colleagues, regret was rare.

Again and again, patients used words like supportive, accommodating, and flexible. Some described managers who adjusted schedules without making them feel guilty. Others said disclosure made the experience less stressful because they no longer had to explain every late arrival or appointment change.

“I’m happy I told them,” one person shared. “They were super supportive and helpful whenever I needed it.” For several patients, disclosure transformed treatment from something they had to hide into something that created a sense of camaraderie.

One thing we heard from respondents was that kind gestures from colleagues made all the difference. A coworker covering for someone who is running late from monitoring may seem like a small thing. During treatment, it can change the tone of an entire day.

Those who expressed regret generally wished they had told their colleagues. “After I got pregnant, my boss shared that she also went through IVF,” one patient said. Having someone at work with a real understanding of the process would have been a relief.

But that doesn't mean disclosure is always easy. One patient sometimes regretted sharing because she felt coworkers viewed her as “too sensitive and crying a lot.” That response captures the real tradeoff. Making your struggles known can bring additional support, but it can also lead to a sense of feeling monitored, exposed, or misunderstood.

The takeaway isn't that everyone should share their fertility journey at work. Maintaining privacy may be the right call for you. What matters most is making a choice that protects your treatment, your work environment, and your emotional well-being.

3 Manager Conversation Scripts

The right approach depends on how much you want to share. There is a wide spectrum from minimal disclosure to full disclosure, and most fertility patients land somewhere in the middle.

Minimal Disclosure

"I'm going through a medical process over the next few months that involves frequent early morning appointments. They're not always predictable in advance, and I may only know details the day before. I'd appreciate some flexibility to attend them, and I'd prefer to keep the specifics private. I'll make sure you're aware of anything that affects my schedule."

Partial Disclosure

"I'm going through fertility treatment. It involves frequent monitoring appointments that I can't always schedule far in advance. I'll need some flexibility, and I'd appreciate this staying private. I'm not looking to discuss the specifics regularly, but I wanted to give you context for the schedule."

Full Disclosure

"I wanted to share that I'm going through IVF. The schedule can be unpredictable, and there may be days when I need to step away for appointments, procedures, or recovery. I trust you with this, and I'd rather be honest about what's happening than try to cover it up every time my schedule changes."

Remember: you can always start with minimal disclosure and add more detail later.

How IVF Affects Energy & Focus

If there was one word that came up again and again, it was exhaustion.

This is one of the hardest parts of managing IVF while working. The appointments that make treatment possible often happen before the workday even begins. A 6 a.m. blood draw or ultrasound may be over quickly, but its effects can follow you into every meeting, deadline, and conversation that comes after it.

For some, the impact went beyond tiredness. Patients talked about working late to make up for missed mornings, falling behind because of fatigue, struggling to focus, and feeling like IVF had become the main priority in a life that still expected them to keep up professionally. "The brain fog from IVF meds was intense," one former patient shared.

For a few patients, the collision between treatment and career was even more disruptive. “It tanked it,” one patient said. “I was pretty much forced to go part time.”

Another was candid about the effects of treatment on her brain and body: “IVF greatly impacted me; I had such a hard time focusing. I wanted to wear sweatpants and stay home.”

Managing Your Calendar During IVF

While there's no magic strategy that can make fertility treatment completely predictable, a few small, intentional moves can make the workday easier to manage.

Protect Your Mornings

During an active cycle, consider scheduling a recurring private block from 7 to 9:30 a.m. on your calendar. Title it something neutral or mark it as private. The goal is to prevent meetings from being scheduled during the window when you're most likely to be at the clinic.

Build in Buffer Time

Monitoring appointments can run long, even when everything goes smoothly. Adding a thirty-minute cushion after appointments can help prevent one delayed blood draw or ultrasound from turning into a missed meeting, a rushed commute, or a stressful explanation.

Adjust Your Schedule

If your role allows for some flexibility, a temporary later start time can also help. A 10 a.m. start may make a meaningful difference when appointments are early, unpredictable, or far from your workplace. The key is to frame it clearly: this is a temporary medical scheduling need, not an open-ended change.

Plan Ahead for Procedure Days

Procedure days require a different level of planning. Egg retrieval and embryo transfer are not always half-day, power-through events. As one patient put it, “having to take time off for retrieval and transfer was tricky because it was multiple days.”

Whenever possible, save your PTO or sick time for those moments. It is much easier to plan for coverage in advance than to negotiate it the night before. It also helps to have a simple cover phrase ready. “Routine medical appointment,” “ongoing health situation,” or “personal medical appointment” is enough for most casual questions.

You don't need to explain further unless you choose to.

Do you need time off work for IVF?

Sometimes, yes, but not for every appointment.

Many monitoring visits happen early in the morning, which means some patients can go to the clinic before work and still make most of their workday. That said, IVF cycle schedules can change quickly, appointments sometimes run long, and you may not know the exact timing until the day before.

Most patients should plan for some flexibility during an active cycle, especially for early morning monitoring, egg retrieval, embryo transfer, and result days. Egg retrieval usually requires the most time away from work because it involves anesthesia and recovery.

Some patients also choose to take time off around transfer or after difficult news, even when it isn't medically required.

The safest approach is to ask your Care Team what your specific cycle may involve, then protect more time than you think you'll need. Unused calendar blocks are easy to release. Last-minute coverage requests? Not as simple. 

What is IVF really like?

Preparing for IVF and want to know exactly what's ahead? Download our free Step-by-Step Guide to IVF for a complete walkthrough of the process, from first appointment to transfer day.

Communication Strategies

For patients who kept treatment private, using vague language became the norm.

Many used honest but incomplete explanations. “I told them I was navigating a health issue and would need frequent monitoring with my doctor,” one person shared. Another kept it even simpler: “I just say I have a medical procedure, but don’t share anything else.”

This offered a way to protect their privacy without pretending nothing was happening. It also helped them manage the unpredictable nature of treatment, where appointment times can shift quickly and procedure dates may not be confirmed until the last minute.

Other times, the logistics required more creativity. One patient called out sick on the day of an IUI procedure because she wasn't completely sure what day the procedure would fall on. Some described feeling the need to make up reasons for being late, even when a boss or a few coworkers knew the real reason.

But not everyone needed cover stories. For patients who chose to be open, disclosure often brought unexpected support. “The more people knew, the more positivity and well wishes I received,” one person shared. Another described her workplace as feeling “like family” and said colleagues were supportive throughout treatment.

It's important to acknowledge that every person (and every workplace) is different. Some patients need privacy. Some want to share. Others keep one trusted person in the know.

Bottom line: there's no single right approach, only the one that works for you.

How Employers Can Support IVF Patients

When we asked patients what workplaces could do differently, a few suggestions came up again and again.

• More paid time off: Standard PTO wasn't enough for many. Monitoring, retrieval, transfer, recovery, and result days quickly consume limited time. "I had to use all of my sick time," one patient shared.
• Flexibility: Others suggested a dedicated bank of time for fertility treatment, especially during stimulation, retrieval, transfer, and recovery.
• Better coverage: Patients wanted medical coverage and fertility benefits that reflect the true cost of care. "More sick time, more medical claim coverage. I had to pay a lot out of pocket," one person said. Another suggested employers add insurance riders if their policies don't cover fertility treatment.

Patients also wanted employers to understand the emotional side of IVF. Treatment isn't just a scheduling challenge or a medical expense. It's emotionally demanding, especially on result days, after failed cycles, or during long stretches of waiting. Several patients wished workplaces would recognize that load and offer mental health days.

Some named what good support looks like when it happens. One patient who worked in education described her coworkers as very understanding. Supportive workplaces exist, and employees notice. But finding one shouldn't feel rare.

Patients want time, flexibility, coverage, and emotional awareness treated as reasonable parts of fertility care, not special favors they have to earn.

For Those Working Outside the Typical 9 to 5

Of course, not all fertility patients have a salaried office job. Some work hourly or shift-based jobs. Some run their own businesses. Some are already busy parents. Some are caregivers. Some are managing treatment around school drop-off, client deadlines, caregiving responsibilities, or jobs where remote work and flexible hours are not available.

If that's you, here are a few ways to set yourself up for success.

Already a parent?

School drop-off and morning monitoring often compete for the same window. If you have a partner or support person, build a shared treatment calendar before the cycle starts and divide mornings explicitly.

If you are solo parenting or your partner travels, ask for support and organize backup care in advance whenever possible.

Caring for aging parents?

Treatment can compress your schedule in ways that collide with caregiving. If another family member or support person can take on more of the caregiving load during your IVF cycle, ask them to take over. A few weeks of imbalance is a reasonable thing to request.

For the self-employed:

You may not have a manager to disclose to, but it's likely that you don't have built-in coverage and will need to adjust your schedule temporarily. Block any active cycles on your client calendar early. "I have limited morning availability through mid-June" tells people what they need to know without inviting personal questions.

Additionally, try not to overcommit or take on new clients during IVF. 

For hourly or shift workers:

Flexibility can be harder to access in these roles. Consider asking your scheduler or manager about temporary morning shift swaps, procedure-day coverage, or a short-term scheduling adjustment. If you have trusted coworkers, identify who may be able to trade shifts during monitoring-heavy weeks.

Whatever your work situation, the principle is the same: identify the days or weeks when timing will be least flexible, build support before you start, and give yourself permission to ask for help even from people who don't know exactly why you're asking.

Fertility Coverage & Workplace Protections

If you live or work in Connecticut or New York, there are a few different types of support worth exploring: insurance coverage, paid leave, job-protected leave, schedule accommodations, and protection from discrimination. The exact details will depend on your employer, your insurance plan, your medical situation, and the type of support you need.

Insurance Coverage in Connecticut & New York

Connecticut and New York both have fertility insurance mandates, but coverage doesn't apply to every plan in the same way. It can vary based on whether your employer’s plan is fully insured or self-funded, where the plan is issued, your diagnosis, your treatment plan, and the benefits your employer offers.

Our guides to the Connecticut insurance mandate and New York insurance mandate explain the basics, and your Illume financial coordinator can help walk you through your policy.

It's also important to separate insurance coverage from workplace protection. A law may protect your right to request leave or accommodations without requiring your health plan to cover the cost of IVF. Coverage for fertility treatment usually depends on state insurance law, your employer’s plan design, and your specific benefits package.

Connecticut Paid Leave

If you work in Connecticut, CT Paid Leave may provide income-replacement benefits if you need time away from work for your own serious health condition.

Fertility treatment may qualify in certain situations, especially if your doctor certifies that treatment is medically necessary, connected to an underlying medical condition, requires a procedure such as egg retrieval, or involves a period of incapacitation or recovery.

Because fertility treatment often involves multiple monitoring appointments and procedures, eligible employees may be able to request leave intermittently or on a reduced schedule instead of taking one continuous block of time.

CT Paid Leave can provide up to 12 weeks of income-replacement benefits, but it doesn't automatically guarantee job-protected leave. Job protection may come from a separate law, such as CT FMLA, federal FMLA, the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act, or another applicable protection.

If you plan to apply, ask your reproductive endocrinologist what documentation they can provide to confirm that treatment is medically necessary, outline the expected appointment schedule, and explain any periods when you may be unable to work or need recovery time.

You can review qualifying reasons and start the claims process via CT Paid Leave Authority.

Federal Workplace Protections

Federal protections may also apply, though not every fertility appointment automatically qualifies. Find more details by clicking through the links below.

The Americans with Disabilities Act may apply when infertility is caused by, or results from, an impairment that substantially limits reproduction or another major life activity. In those situations, an employee may be entitled to reasonable accommodations unless the accommodation would create an undue hardship for the employer.

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act may apply when an employer treats someone unfairly because of pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions. EEOC guidance has also recognized that employment decisions related to infertility treatment can raise sex discrimination concerns in specific circumstances.

The Pregnant Workers Fairness Act may require covered employers to provide reasonable accommodations for known limitations related to pregnancy, childbirth, or related medical conditions. Depending on the situation, that could include a later start time, schedule changes, leave for appointments, modified duties, or recovery time after a procedure.

The Family and Medical Leave Act may also apply if treatment, recovery, or an underlying condition qualifies as a serious health condition and you meet FMLA eligibility rules.

Common Accommodations to Request

Depending on your situation, reasonable accommodations may include:

• Medical leave for egg retrieval, embryo transfer, or treatment-related complications
• Schedule modifications for early morning monitoring appointments
• Intermittent leave for separate appointments or procedures
• A temporary later start time during an active IVF cycle
• Reduced or modified duties during recovery periods, if medically necessary

Note: You don't need to share every detail of your fertility journey when requesting support.

In many situations, you can say that you need leave or a schedule adjustment for medical treatment, a medical condition, or a pregnancy-related medical need. If your employer asks for documentation, ask what information is required and whether it can be submitted directly to HR, a leave administrator, or the appropriate benefits program.

When to Seek Legal Guidance

Disclaimer: The information in this article is for general educational purposes only and is not legal advice. Illume Fertility does not provide legal guidance or determine eligibility for workplace protections, paid leave, or insurance coverage. 

Employment protections vary based on your state, employer size, job status, health plan, medical documentation, and the specific reason you are requesting leave or an accommodation.

In some situations, federal or state laws may protect employees from being fired, demoted, harassed, denied reasonable accommodations, or retaliated against for requesting protected leave or workplace support. However, not every fertility-related appointment or treatment cycle will automatically qualify for job-protected leave or a legal accommodation.

How to Find Support

If you are concerned about denied leave, intrusive questions, discrimination, retaliation, or pressure to disclose more than you are comfortable sharing, consider contacting:

• Your HR representative
• CT Paid Leave Authority
• U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
• RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
• An employment attorney licensed in your state

Because each situation is fact-specific, an attorney or qualified benefits professional can help you best understand which laws may apply and what steps make sense for your circumstances. You don't have to navigate these questions alone.

What to Document

If something about your employer’s response feels off, consider keeping a written record.

Most patients will never need to reference it. But if you sense that your employer is engaging with you differently because of treatment, you may want to document certain details:

• Appointment dates and any work time missed
• Conversations with your manager or HR about flexibility
• Performance feedback before, during, and after treatment
• Comments that feel inappropriate, discriminatory, or retaliatory
• Sudden changes in assignments, expectations, scheduling, evaluations, or opportunities

Documenting these things doesn't mean you're being paranoid or escalating the situation. It simply establishes a clear record if you need one later.

Returning to Work After Loss or Failed IVF

Some of the hardest experiences our community described were not the big milestone appointment days. They were the countless hours spent waiting for results and next steps.

The negative beta test that arrives before a meeting. The unsuccessful transfer you learn about while sitting at your desk. The pregnancy loss that no one at work knows about.

If treatment ends in a loss or a failed cycle, you may need genuine time off rather than simple flexibility. You may not be ready to tell anyone what happened. You may also find that returning to work and pretending everything is normal is harder than you expected.

Give yourself permission to take more time than you initially thought you would need. It is okay to disclose nothing. It is okay to say that you experienced a loss. It is okay to ask for a low-pressure first week back.

When you are expecting a test result, try to keep that day as light as possible. Block off time on your calendar. Avoid scheduling important meetings if you can. Identify one person you can text if the day goes badly, even if that person is outside of work.

Reminder: You don't have to perform normalcy through every part of treatment.

Not an Illume patient yet?

Schedule your first consult with an Illume Fertility physician today and we'll walk you through what a treatment timeline might look like for you.